The children's lie

When a child is lying, his parents wonder what the reason is. Moreover, they feel hurt as guardians of morality and respect for standards by the child. They are also often tormented by feelings of anger, disappointment, a personal sense of educational failure, and they are worried about having less trust in the child.

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1. A lie of a preschooler

Most preschoolers realize that lying is not accepted by others. However, they are not always able to accurately judge what is a lie and what is not. They cannot yet consciously make a decision about lying or assess the situation realistically enough to recognize whether or not they are lying themselves. The entire morality of a preschool child is based on learning about the rules of a social group and submitting to them. Therefore, young children especially need clear and constant rules of conduct that respect also their children's needs and abilities. The child should clearly know what behavior is required of him, but also be able to do so. So the child may choose to lie, not because it is ungrateful or emotionless, but because of the excessive demands and exaggerated punishment on the part of adults. The child is then guided not by respect for the parent and the rules he hears from him, but by fear and a sense of harm. So if you want your child to tell the truth, first make sure you have fair, understandable, and clear rules in your home.

It is also extremely important for adults themselves to distinguish a lie from a child's fantasy. The latter property is shared by every preschooler and even older children. The effect of fantasizing is numerous stories from a child's life, colored with various elements that took place only in the child's imagination. For example, when a boy relates that he climbed a tall tree so tall that it reached its highest limbs all the way to the sky, it is an innocent yet charming color of the story, not a lie. However, when he pushes his younger brother off the tree and tells everyone that he has fallen because he has caught his leg on a branch, it will be a lie. Pre-school children know very well that some things happen only in their imagination or it is their wishful thinking. However, if such coloring or distortion of history takes place in many situations and is gaining momentum, one can start looking for reasons other than developmental ones. One of the reasons for this behavior is the desire to get attention, gain admiration and respect, gain a position. A child tries this way of gaining recognition when he himself feels inferior, unnoticed, compared to others, or somehow out of the group.

Psychologists believe that reacting sharply to a child or pretending to believe a child only leads to a persistence of lying. Instead, give your baby what he needs in a different way. Praise and reward his true skills and behavior, appreciate aloud when a child recreates a true story, show him / her by the example of others how valuable the ability to stick to facts is. At the same time, you can consistently express your opinion when it starts making things up. Then the child will learn that if he experiences positive reinforcements from another side, he will no longer need to resort to lies.

2. A lie of a school child

The moral realism of older children makes them think very literally. Well, the rules are sacred, and any deviation from them should be punished. Additionally, schoolchildren already realize that the punishment should be adequate to the offense. Therefore, they are sensitive to outright injustice on the part of adults, when adults punish each of their children differently for the same lie, as if the younger sibling does not bear the same responsibility as the older one. Children adhere to the rules at home, play with each other, at school, and check adults to see if they sanction them properly. This often makes them known as a scarifier. Over time, children begin to see that social rules are agreements between people, often depending on the situation, intention, and purpose. They also recognize that they can sometimes be changed or deviated from in the name of different principles. They believe the rules more than ever and find it difficult to lie. So they lie most often when they feel injustice due to adult violations of the rules. Inconsistent and unclear behavior of adults give rise to rematch in children according to the dependence that if they can yes, I can do the same. In this way, children also deal with remorse. It is also worth remembering that apart from attaching importance to the norms of social life, children have their own needs and desires. Therefore, before a child makes a conscious lie, there is usually a conflict between the child and the parent ahead of their needs and mutual expectations.

A teenager's lie, in turn, can be a reaction to many different situations and experiences. An adolescent child mainly lies when he wants to go against social norms, and he has no consent to open rebellion and express his opinion. The teenager wants to make a choice himself, to whom, to whom and how. At the same time, he begins to notice that social norms can be relative, limited to specific places or situations, and broken by adults themselves. In the face of the growing need for autonomy and the crisis of the existing authorities, inevitable tensions and conflicts with the immediate environment appear. Therefore, the essence of lying in this age affects much more serious areas of building relationships and shaping one's own identity.

So remember that when your teen is lying, the way to unlearn him or her is to give him more space to express his opinion and show respect for his individuality. To avoid repeating situations with a lying teen, try to get to know his point of view, rather than fighting it or judging it negatively in advance. Any and all ways of using the time spent together to learn to express each other's feelings, attitudes and beliefs also work well. It is important that they have a constructive approach, credibility and trust.

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