How to teach a child to apologize?

When your child does wrong, hits a friend in kindergarten, takes toys from a younger brother, paints a coloring book for his sister or fails to follow your instructions, takes offense and sulks for admonitions instead of repenting and apologizing? Nobody likes to admit mistakes, but from an early age we should teach our children the magic word "I'm sorry". How to teach a child to apologize? How to behave so that the toddler does not feel hurt, in his / her opinion, an unfair punishment, and remembers what to do when you hurt someone?

See the video: "What skills should a child who enters kindergarten have?"

1. Children's moral development

Is there any pattern for developing good and bad feelings? The best known approach to moral development comes from the late work of Lawrence Kohlberg, who based his theory on the views of cognitive psychologist Jean Piaget on cognitive development. According to Kohlberg, moral thinking is nothing more than a special form of problem solving. Moral reasoning takes a path through a series of stages of development.

LEVELS AND STADIESJUSTIFICATION FOR MORAL BEHAVIORI. Preconventional moralityStage 1: Egocentric pleasure / pain / gainFocus on avoiding pain or getting caughtStage 2: Cost / profit orientation; reciprocityEarn rewards or mutual benefits ("favor for favor")II. Conventional moralityStage 3: "Good Child" OrientationGet acceptance, avoid disapprovalStage 4: Law and order orientationFollow the rules, avoid penaltiesIII. Postconventional (Principle Based) MoralityStage 5: Orientation on keeping the social contractAct for the benefit of your own communityStage 6: Ethical orientationStrive for justice, be consistent in your rules, avoid self condemnation

2. Learning to apologize

When to start teaching your toddler to apologize to others for bad behavior? It is best as soon as possible, which is when the child starts talking. Young children are egocentric - they cannot yet accept the perspective of another human being. They are unable to empathize with the other party's situation, e.g. they do not know that by hitting a colleague they cause him pain. Toddlers learn empathy gradually. Parents play a large role in moral development, and should pay attention to the toddler's bad behavior and explain to him why he must not act in this way, while encouraging him to apologize, eg: “You cannot take someone else's toys without asking. Go apologize to Kasia for taking her doll without asking if she will let you play with it for a while ”. Parents should also learn to express and name the emotions experienced by the child. What does it mean to be angry, what is guilt, repentance, remorse? These are very difficult words for a child, referring to abstract thinking, which appears late in mental development.

Don't make your toddler suppress emotions within you. Let him say in his own words what he feels. Also, do not translate in the form of long lectures. Toddlers stop listening on the second sentence, so the messages should be clear, short and precise. Don't bore your child with too long moral arguments. When you witness a sibling disagreement, give suggestions on how the little ones can constructively resolve a stalemate for them. As a parent, you must lead by example yourself. When you can't apologize and avoid the word like fire, it's hard to admit your mistake, and conflicts usually end in a brawl, don't expect your little one to apologize. Children imitate adults. If you do wrong with your child inconsistently, be able to say, "I'm sorry." The child will then understand that apologizing does not mean weakness, but is mature and will want to be like you. Do not force your toddler to apologize, and certainly not teach them to apologize when they are not at fault. You don't have to apologize all the time. In addition to learning to apologize, the school of assertiveness is also important - the ability to look after one's own interests while respecting the rights of others.

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