Kindergartens are full of screaming
When looking for a kindergarten for a child, we follow good opinions, smiling ladies, a cozy interior and daily schedule. Often, however, a completely different preschooler's day takes place behind closed doors than the one presented during the adaptation.
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1. You will be alone in the room until the end of the day!
Dominika recalls her preschool years with a smile. The greater was her surprise when her son returned home sad and reticent.
-The reluctance to kindergarten did not appear immediately. There were hard days in the beginning, but I thought he liked going there. We had a long adaptation period with our son, and the neighbor's son was in the group. Unfortunately, after two months, the child began to behave differently. He wanted to sleep with us again, he hugged a lot, he had no appetite. I thought it was a breakup question. Some time later I found out from my neighbor what it was about. Her son complained that my aunt often screamed at my M. I started pulling my son's tongue. It turned out that he was scared, that he would stay alone in the room until the end of the day, that he would sit alone in the dining room until he had eaten the entire plate, and if he was rude, they would call ... the police.
"I myself witnessed the ladies screaming," says Dorota. - The children were in the bathroom, washing their hands and teeth. The lady shouted that what they are doing, why they splash, she asked: are you normal? Do you also do this at home? I told her I heard it all. She shuddered her shoulders that you couldn't fool around. After a few days, my husband and I decided to prescribe the child.
"I also heard you shouting at the children during breakfast," adds Natalia. - She said that they should eat, because if not, they will be sitting until they eat. That they are little savages because that's how they behave. After paying attention to the behavior of the ladies in the management, I heard that they must somehow encourage the children to eat.
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2. Why are we screaming?
It is said that screaming is a sign of your own weakness, which you want to hide by verbal aggression. Why then, despite knowing that it is something bad, is it so often found especially with children?
-First of all, many adults screamed out of the house where they were shouted at as children, and there was also a raised voice among their parents. In this way, people turned to each other in anger - explains WP parenting educator Marta Grotowska.
-Some believe that by shouting at their charges, they increase their own authority, gain obedience and a better chance to understand the message - adds Mateusz Dobosz, psychologist and psychotherapist from the Specialist Psychiatric Health Care Center in Jarosław.
-Unfortunately, such a message affects the child in the opposite way. They are intimidated and, under the influence of fear, learn to suppress their emotions. By shouting, you are giving your permission to throw your negative emotions on the weaker ones. This is a classic transfer mechanism - explains the expert.
3. Verbal abuse and child development
Keep in mind that yelling at a child is a form of psychological abuse. Not only does it show inappropriate behavior in relation to other, often weaker people, but also causes the child to withdraw more and more, suppress emotions, decrease self-esteem and self-confidence. By shouting at children, we teach them that they are to yield and that they cannot have their own opinion to justify their behavior or explain why they have behaved this way.
Moreover, in the case of our interlocutors, the scream came from strangers who should unite a group of children and build their sense of security. Unfortunately, they humiliated the child with their behavior (e.g. by asking if they were normal).
All this means that children who have experienced verbal abuse by nannies or caregivers in kindergarten may have difficulties in establishing contacts with their peers, increasing social and emotional problems.
4. How to react?
Many parents have a dilemma as to whether and how they should react when signals come to them that children are being shouted at in kindergarten.
As the educator Marta Grotowska says, the parent has to talk to both the child and the guardian. The child should be assured of his loyalty, because this is how he builds a sense of security. Ladies from kindergarten should be advised that their behavior is harmful to the child and should not take place. In the case of threats and blackmail, it is worth conducting such an interview in the presence of the headmaster of the kindergarten, who is usually expected to supervise the proper work of the caregivers.